Lesson 5b: A New Me

Lesson Five:  A new me...

I have been on vacation for the past three weeks in Waikiki, Oahu, Hawaii with my partner. Although we are together most of the time, the feeling of "being invisible" is quite present. We have been enjoying our time together exploring and just being ourselves.

What do I mean by being invisible? The feeling of not have to "put on a show". I am presenting myself and lost deep in my thoughts. I feel an inner peace of just being me and just showing up as me. My interactions with others are simple and only as necessary. I am polite, curt, and basically finding those spaces for my own aloneness.  

Yesterday and today, I am attending a conference and my partner is off exploring on his own. I have chosen to be invisible at this conference. I have purposely selected tables where no one is sitting or where there is space. I wear my thick glasses hiding behind the frames and distracting myself in my notes or my phone. I actually don't have any desire to talk to people or make small talk. 

In my professional life, I am a lecturer - teaching approximately six (or more) classes a semester with about 40 students in each. I have been doing this well over 10 years. I have been putting on a show for a very long time, I now feel the desire to lay low. I am not sure if I am experiencing burn out, but I definitely know, I am ready to "slow down" or seek changes in my life.

What does the new me look like? I am really loving this feeling of "aloneness", reflection, and peace. I love going to a coffee shop, listening to my music, and writing in my blog. I am finding each day, I am going deeper and deeper into this space. The past three weeks have been wonderful to find my space and rest that I needed.

They say it takes 21 days to form a habit. Was this enough time to develop some new patterns?

What will the new me look like? 

I return to my regular life on Monday, January 13. I fly home Thursday, this will give me a few days to figure things out. What will be really important for me is to make space for my alone time, structure my time so I can get those solo breaks/walks, and be sure to find time to write. 

Just the thought of returning to my "old" life makes me shudder. The introvert in me craves the silence.